A Mother’s Musing : Let your kids go and do what’s important to them
Posted on Wednesday, July 9, 2008
My youngest daughter is a runner. Even after three years of cross country, a sport I practically forced her to take up, that still surprises me.
I guess I expected that my daughters would be more like me. I know I've always tried to believe they looked like me, but even my own mother would never agree to that. Sure all three of us were blond and needed glasses, but that's about all that was alike.
I desperately wanted them to enjoy the same things I remember enjoying, but that only worked for some things. The older ones liked dolls the way I once did and the younger one became a reader just like me. But the older one was way more fashion conscious than I ever was and the younger one didn't want to ride her bike.
Then sports came along.
Times were different when I was growing up. There weren't the same opportunities for girls to play sports back in those days. But the truth is: I didn't miss it. I much preferred a long bike ride with a friend or even all alone to any kind of competition.
But, after reading Parents magazine for years, I knew that team sports were good for kids, so I signed all three of my children up for teeball and soccer.
The oldest daughter was always a competitor. She did teeball with the boys and then went right through the girls softball program. The year I accidentally signed her up for a boy's soccer league, she ignored all teasing and played anyway. I'd like to say, she became a soccer star, but the truth is, she always did run like a girl.
The younger daughter played one short season of teeball and didn't want to go back. She played soccer for a while, but never seemed all that interested in it either. A noncompetitor, I thought, just like me.
But Parents magazine told me that kids who are involved in extracurricular activities are more successful in school, so I pushed her onto the junior high school cross-country team. It didn't occur to me that she would like the running.
I've tried to run myself. I remember one long, hot summer in particular when the dog and I tried to run around the country roads of Kentucky. It was a pretty rural area with gently rolling hills and well-kept farm houses, but I was too busy gasping for breath to appreciate it. After a great deal of sweat and effort, I was able to go - well not very far.
Years later I purchased a tread mill with the plan that I would begin by walking through the afternoon soap operas and slowly pick up speed until I was jogging in the air conditioned comfort of my living room. The tread mill is still in our basement, waiting to pick up speed.
Running was just too hard for me. I can still remember exactly how bad I felt when I tried. That's why it's amazing to me to see my 16-year-old running effortlessly. Well, sometimes there's effort. Sometimes it hurts to watch her pushing herself past the point where I know I would have given up. Sometimes I fight the motherly urge to stop her and make her drink some water and sit down under a tree. But I don't stop her because I can see how much she wants to do it.
Luckily for me, there's not a lot of technical stuff to learn about running. I knew she needed running shoes and found a clerk at Dixieland Shoes who seemed to know a lot about them. He was the one who told me to stop washing her running shoes in the washing machine. Who knew they had gel in the soles ? They look so much better when you wash the mud off.
As a cross-country parent, I think my most important role is stay out of the way. There's really no advice I can give her about a sport that seems so strange to me.
Parents magazine never said this, but I've discovered that part of parenting is letting your kids go and do what's important to them. Even when you don't understand why.
Reporter Lynn Atkins can be contacted by e-mail at lynna @ nwanews. com.
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