Times Editorial : Grand times
Posted on Saturday, September 16, 2006
How many among us have wonderful memories of days spent at our grandparents' houses, excited at those opportunities to visit someplace familiar but not routine, and being smothered in great home cooking and deep featherbeds ? Well, perhaps that's not everyone's experience, but for many of us, those anticipated visits to grandma's and grandpa's were idyllic times wrapped up in new adventures and surrounded by the unequaled dose of love and care only a grandparent can provide. Every grandparent was a one-time parent, having navigated the treacherous territory of raising his or her children into adulthood and, they each hope, into wonderful lives of meaning and significance. Raising kids is challenging, and seeing them go on to good lives and having kids of their own is a wondrous thing. When one-time parents become grandparents, they get to experience youngsters anew, without all the burdens of parenthood. Yes, it's a wonderful life. Except, for many grandparents today, a new form of parenthood has come back home to roost. Last Sunday, the Northwest Arkansas Times published a story detailing how nearly 70, 000 grandparents in Arkansas have stepped back into the roles of primary caretaker for their grandchildren. It's a growing trend, according to the folks at the Center for Effective Parenting. Sadly, experts note that the No. 1 reason people end up taking in and caring for their grandchildren is drug abuse by the children's parent. It's yet another demonstration of how drug use is so harmful to far more than just the addict. Lives are ruined and children are deprived of parents who otherwise would likely be the most special people in their lives. Thank God for those grandparents willing to step in. When grandparents enter a bad situation and make it better by taking in their grandchildren, it's an incredible act of love and compassion, and certainly of self-sacrifice. Raising kids is hard work. For those who commit to raising their grandchildren, it means giving up their later years to a life they didn't prepare for or expect and, in some cases, giving up dreams of what retirement was going to be like. What is perhaps shocking to all is how challenging it can be for grandparents to get legal custody of their wards. Our local Center for Effective Parenting says many grandparents who in reality have sole custody of their grandchildren lack the legal protection of guardianship or custody. "Legal issues are one of the biggest things we deal with," says the center's Suzann Hernandez, an education specialist. "For grandparents to hire a lawyer, it gets very expensive. In Arkansas, we don't have any laws for grandparents who step in, out of the kindness of their heart, to care for a neglected child. "And, of course, we know drug addicts can be manipulative as they seek to continue their course of self-medicating, so there are some situations in which addicted parents threaten to take the kids away unless the grandparent helps with money or provides a car. We're talking families here, mostly involving no inherently bad people, just loved ones who have let drugs overcome them and their relationships. As grandparents try to make the best out of a terrible situation with their grandchildren, everyone gets hurt by the situation. There's no question that terminating parental rights or giving custody to someone other than a parent is a serious decision, one that cannot be made lightly. It's incredibly important not to break that bond without clear and convincing evidence that doing so is necessary. However, our Legislature should take steps to empower and support the grandparents who are setting a fantastic example by taking in their grandchildren in need, and in the course of that, relieving the state of the potential burden created when kids don't have loving family members able or willing to take them in. No parent should get to use the law as a weapon for their own flawed motivations. Protecting parental rights is clearly important, but state law should give priority to the protection of children. They need the protection of our laws more than anyone. The state should always err on the side of protecting children from harm and giving them the best opportunity for successful lives undeterred by an adults drug-use choices.
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