A life interrupted : One woman describes her battle with meth.
Posted on Monday, October 6, 2008
BENTONVILLE - "Mary"is working to rebuild her life.
It's a life that was interrupted by an addiction to methamphetamine.
The 30-year-old woman is currently at Decision Point in Bentonville recovering from drug addiction.
Her story begins more than four years ago The mother of three was separated from husband and eventually began selling drugs with her own mother. She began using methamphetamine, but thought she could control it.
She was wrong.
"The first time I tried it - smoked meth - I really did not get anything out of it," Mary said. "I tried it again, then again and again. "
Co-workers suspected something was wrong with her, but Mary ended up quitting her job before a supervisor or co-workers could confront her.
She still sold drugs, but increasingly began using drugs, too.
She then became pregnant with her fourth child. She used methamphetamine throughout the pregnancy. "I was still smoking (meth ) within hours of giving birth to my daughter," Mary said.
Mary ended up losing everything - her home, vehicle and children.
"I was a junkie," Mary said. "I was so messed up that my door was open and people were walking in and out of my home."
She remembers staying awake for days at a time.
After one binge she remembers being in her car and looking in the rearview mirror and seeing a man in the back seat of her car.
"It was the paranoia," Mary said.
In November, Mary was living with a man, his mother and siblings. Her drug use continued. The man and his mother was arrested. Mary was arrested later.
She later moved in with another man after getting out of jail. She then lived in a hotel. She provided methamphetamine to the owner and was allowed to live in the hotel.
Meth was in control.
"There's a saying in that world that you dominate the drugs instead of them dominating you," Mary said. "I admit the drugs dominated me."
Her children were placed in the custody of the Arkansas Department of Human Service.
Mary got out of jail in December, but her drug use continued.
Mary used methamphetamine, cocaine, pills and alcohol in an attempt to deal with the pain from the separation with her children.
In late July, Mary realized she was at crossroads - die or get clean.
She had already overdosed several times. She was tempted by something - the needle - she had promised that she would never do.
She preferred snorting or smoking meth, but had never tried injections.
"I saw friends injecting themselves," Mary said. "I saw the look in their faces and saw the expressions. I wanted that high."
Mary believes she would have died if she began using the needle.
She now looks toward the future. Her goals are to remain clean and regain custody of her children.
She may leave Decision Point in December or January, but she's in no hurry to leave.
"It's not going to be easy out there, but I don't want to be drawn back in," Mary said. "I have to make sure I'm healthy."
One day she will explain it all to her children.
"I made a mistake and I pray that they don't repeat it," she said. "They will know what caused our separation. I just hope they understand."
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